hand gun

i think about myself like a raft and i think about water
panic is a rash, it is order confirmations and quiet vomit
in the company bathroom. she says that yoga
is an escape from sorrow
which is an escape from everything other than itself

i might be finished writing poems.

which sux.
drawing though.

s&m

the death-wish is a wish. the death-wish affirms life. the life is the death. being and going. sweat on a cardigan. sirens call from the edges of cliffs that hedge against the water like water of memory, the beach you would run on in the morning and the holy broadening or breaking. impulse control, shattered lamp, blood and fingers, holy, what is bared, control, abuse and fatalism.